You have a flat tire. What is a better approach?
Option A: Say to yourself: "What a stupid car! I can't believe you got a flat tire. What's wrong with you? You could have done better!"
Option B: Get out of the car, diagnose the problem, and decide your next action.
When you have a car problem, you call it a breakdown, not a moral failure.
Too many people make mistakes and then get caught in a cycle of self-judgment and blame. It is better to get pause, figure out what got off track, and then choose your next action.
I have developed a process to help you learn from your breakdowns. Use these as journaling prompts to evaluate the situation and then get back into action.
- What’s the data? What are the objective facts? What would a video camera record?
- What are you feeling?What is your predominant feeling, i.e. anger? What are feelings underneath the anger, i.e. sadness?
- What are your thoughts that led to the breakdown?
- What are thoughts that can help you recover from this breakdown?
- What values did you compromise?
- How can you avoid this breakdown in the future?
- How would staying in integrity in this area serve you or others?
- What actions are you going to take to clean this up?